Reflections

Growing up people tend to tell you that your circle of friend gets smaller and smaller as time goes by. I was always the happy go lucky type of girl that would make friends with just about anybody which was always so fun in my eyes, but as time went by I felt like I started to feed into the friendships more than I was nourishing me & my growth. I look back & recall so many instances where I was more than happy making myself feel uncomfortable so that my friends could feel comfortable, I always told myself that when the day came they would do the same for me…. yeah that was rarely ever the case. Yet I would always convince myself that they would make it up to me “next time”. As I’m sure you get by now ” next time” never actually came, I would make excuses for the way they treated me but as I came to realize they were actually stunting my growth. Not to sound self absorbed or anything but I deserved better I deserved a group of people that fueled my passions and showed up even when it wasn’t only convenient for them. I remember slowly letting go of toxic people & they would get upset and call me out for thinking I was “too good” when in reality all I wanted was friendships that could & would push me to be the best me possible. It was hard for me to comprehend how my “friends” couldn’t show support or be there for me in the best of times. Everything was very one sided and when I decided enough was enough, I became the bad guy in the story. I think one of the hardest things in life is reflecting on relationships that just don’t feed you in any way. Once you start to change and make better decisions for yourself you cant just ignore certain things because that isn’t growth. It sucks to say but there really are certain friendships you have to cut out of your life not because they are bad people but their phase in your life is done, it doesn’t mean that you hate them or anything. I still look back at the friends I had through the years and I appreciate everything we shared together, the experiences, the laughs, the cries & the arguments but they served a purpose in our lives the same way we served one in theirs.

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